Niamh is on some new food now– not the super swanky expensive kind. Now she gets it cut with a cheaper kind (still no Nine Lives, but considerably cheaper than her former $28-a-week habit) that’s supposed to help her massive gum disease.

Niamh’s gum disease is really nasty. I remember once at work smelling the scent of death. I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I had been getting stuff out of a bin on the floor, and I remember compulsively sniffing the inside of it, never coming close to the source. Then I discovered the horrible truth– the scent of decaying flesh mixed with rotting sweat socks was coming from ME! I was horrified– the putrid stench of 100 3-day-old corpses was emanating from my favorite jeans! What had caused this? It dawned on me– I had shoved the daily pills down Niamh’s throat, and then wiped the cat drool on my jeans, where the lovely aroma still lingered hours later. Since then I have taken precautions to thoroughly disinfect my hands after drugging the cat.

But no longer! My cat’s breath smells like… cat breath! It’s beautiful! I will never, ever again complain about the scent of cat breath. I will buy cat breath scented perfume and proudly wear it to remind me how wonderful it is to have a cat with… well… a less stinky gum disease problem.