I woke up this morning and stumbled into the bathroom. As I sat on the can, slowly coming to my senses, I smelled something burning. Smoke was wafting in the window, obscuring the room, making it look like a mini Ozzy concert was taking place on the windowsill. I looked out the window and what did I see? A smouldering cigarette butt, causing the red mulch it was resting on to start to smoke. Smoking is bad enough for your health, but why pass the tradition onto bark chips? Bark chips don’t know any better! I blame Big Tobacco and their garden-cover targeted ads.
Besides the health hazards to the mulch itself, since it was 3 inches from the window, it probably would have caused a pretty spectacular sight had it caused the mulch to go up in flames. This begs the question: what kind of retard flicks lit cigarettes into the space in front of peoples’ open windows? Luckily I was there to open the screen and dump a mug of water on top of the incendiary device (I just like that phrase. Incendiary device. It sounds cool). What would have happened if I had slept in? what would have happened had I not accidentally left my On Point With Tom Ashbrook coffee cup in the bathroom? I may not be here, that’s what. I must admit I was a little excited by the event, though, since the evil flowers that I am deathly allergic to are not all the way dead yet, and the cigarette was poised to burn them to a crisp. I almost didn’t put the fire out, just to see what would happen!
But anyway– to all of you smokers out there– don’t throw lit cigarettes into pits of pine mulch, particularly if said mulch is right outside someone’s window.
On another note, my weekend was fairly rad. Last night I made dinner for Tanya, Jesse & Gay Rob for Rosh Hashana. We played Homosexuality Vs. Giant Squid, which is always fun. The dinner was moderately scrumptious: pumpkin soup with beef dumplings stuffed with apricots supposedly. They are known as “Beef Dumplings with an Apricot Surprise.” However, as I boiled them, the apricots got all swollen and un-dried (reanimated zombie fruit!) and tried to escape their meaty prisons. Thus the formerly spherical meatballs were sort of lopsided with soggy apricots wilting out the sides. Oh well, it all tasted good anyway! I also made spinach salad with vinegar and bacon. Mmmmmm! All this talk of tainted spinach has just made me want it all the more.
here’s what the newspeople say about spinach:
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) — Grocers pulled fresh spinach from their stores and consumers dumped the leafy greens Sunday after the U.S. Food and Drug Administration warned people to not eat any fresh spinach amid an E. coli outbreak in 19 states thats caused one death and sickened more than 100 people.
What most people are hearing:
OH MY GOD SPINACH IS GOING TO KILL US! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP EATING IT!!!
What I hear:
spinach, spinach, spinach? spinachspinach, SPINACH!
Since spinach is one of my very favorite things in the whole universe, all this spinach talk has fueled my tastebuds into being sated by nothing other than Popeye’s favorite leafy green. Of course, it’s nearly impossible to find it these days due to the e. coli scare… i did manage to find some frozen, though. The spinach salad was goooooood. mmmmmmm, spinach!
