Idiocracy
Holy crap is this movie hilarious. Brought to you by the mind that gave us Beavis and Butthead, this is a tale of what life could be like 500 years in the future when smart people have been bred out of existence and everyone in the world is really stupid. The movie opens with a comparison of a smart couple who keep postponing having kids until they can’t (depending on the stock market, their careers etc.) and a hick dude who goes around impregnating everyone at will.

This movie is really relevant today, especially considering some customers that came in the other day… a dude and a chick, both in their early 20s. They had a gift card with $3.09 on it. Dude wanted some headphones, and I seemed to recall some for $2.99, but I couldn’t find them. I got someone else to help them, but the dude kept grunting “but she said there were some for 2.99,” really confusedly, like he didn’t understand how they couldn’t exist when I just said they had. The chick, meanwhile, was yelling at him, alternately nagging, whining and just babbling. The dude, being the Strong, Silent Type, just kind of grunted for her to shut up every now and then, while still looking confused about the headphones.

The chick stopped whining for a second to say to me, “I’m pregnant, that’s why I’m so mean sometimes.” The dude finally found some headphones that were $3.99, but they didn’t have enough money, so the chick said, “I’ll go get some money, be right back!” and went out the door. The dude mumbled, “she’s gonna go spare-change a dollar.” Basically, the chick went outside and actually got a stranger to give her $1. By the time she got back, however, the dude didn’t want the headphones anymore, and had mumbled something about that and walked away. The chick decided she wanted to use the money anyway, and bitched at the dude about this, but he had already gone outside to smoke. The chick assured us many times that she’d be back to use that $4.09. This, my friends, is why it may take much fewer than 500 years for retards to rule the world!

Anyway, watch Idiocracy; you will be scared/horrified and extremely amused.

The second movie recommendation is The Hebrew Hammer. In a similar vein as Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter and Ultrachrist, this is the story of a religious superhero who saves Hannukah from the evil clutches of a corrupt Santa Claus (Andy Dick) who wants to elimiate it. He is helped by the KLF (Kwanzaa Liberation Front) and the JJL (Jewish Justice League), which has a special seat for the Chairman of the Jewish Worldwide Media Conspiracy and the Jewish Athlete Association (but the chair is empty. har har!) The Hammer goes around in his tricked-out Caddy, complete with a shiny star of David hood ornament and fuzzy dreydel-shaped dice. He gets cool one-liners like “Shabbat Shalom, motherfuckers!” and knocks back Manischewitz straight-up. It’s kind of like what would happen if Woody Allen re-made Shaft (it even has a Shaft-like theme song). Also contains midgets.