Just when I thought there was no reason to live, Krustee brought this product to my attention:
I have long tried to thrust my opinion on the world, which is that everything tastes better with bacon. These fine souls agree with me! In fact, their motto is “everything should taste like bacon.” OF COURSE IT SHOULD!!!
So, I went in search of this mythical powder. According to their website, it is available in Stop n Shops across Massachusetts. Thus I rode my bike to the SnS in Ahlington. Alas, the store was closed for remodeling. Still on a quest, I went to the one in Allston, but to no avail. I couldn’t find anything resembling a baconizing agent, and the one native English speaker I could find to help me there just gave me a weird look and mumbled “spices” trying in vain to disguise her “DUH!” voice before walking away. So today I drove out almost to Assembly Square in search of Bacon Salt and lo and behold, there it was! They had 2 different flavors, so I chose the regular one.
What did I have around the house to test it on? First I tried it straight out of the bottle. It tastes like bacon bits… so far so good…
Next I sprinkled it on my leftover Macaroni and Cheese. It has a slight sweet taste, which clashes with the oddly sweet after taste of the Market Basket brand Mac & Cheese, but it did improve it. Bacon can only improve everything!
Next I dosed some Tater Tots with the wondrous magical bacon dust. They were transformed into puffy bacon nuggets!
My favorite way to eat tater tots is with sour cream, with garlic salt mixed into it (I know it sounds gross, but it’s actually pretty awesome). Instead of garlic salt, I added bacon salt and lo and behold! A creamy bacony wonder sauce!
1. Bacoroni and Cheese
2. Bacor tots
3. I can’t come up with a punny name for this (sour cream with Bacon Salt)
I think I am a convert.
My next projects: bacon poutine and bacon scrambled eggs…
Saki says that there are a few things that bacon can’t improve… like cake. It’s my goal to make delicious Cakon– bacon-flavored cake. The sky’s the limit!
In other news…
Sunday I actually went to the BEACH. Yes, Patty and I went to um… a beach on the south coast of MA whose name eludes me. Horseheads beach? no, Horseheads is in NY. Something with a horse. Anyway, it was awesome– big waves, nice sunny day… I got sunburned in the white farmer-tan patch where my wrist brace normally lives and all over my neck and back. Those Asian genes haven’t kicked in yet this year. Damn you, lack of melanin!
I still hate my job. I spent 10 hours today working and didn’t even get to one of the accounts I’m supposed to. I feel like I’m working for Mom now– it doesn’t matter what I do WELL since I’m guilty until proven innocent. I could personally nurture every single plant to lush green beautifulness and it wouldn’t matter because I’d only get graded for the one small piece of dried up leaf on the ground I’d forgotten to pick up. How do I know? Because when my overseer saw 2 plants that were healthy and nice-looking, she kept saying “well these are new, aren’t they? They must have just gotten installed.” No matter how many times I tried to convince her that those plants had been there since I started, she didn’t believe me. Anything good I do obviously has nothing to do with me, and is a fluke. I have been relegated to the Suck category. Oh well, it was bound to happen. Every job I have I manage to get put on the Incompetent List sooner or later. It doesn’t matter how hard I try; it is inevitable.
Basically, I’m sick of being a blue collar wage slave.
What else can I do?
Why can’t I be interested in anything PRACTICAL? How come everything that gets me excited career wise is either impossible (being an onomastics expert), improbable (i.e., being a movie set designer. How does one even go about doing this?) or involves time travel (i.e., a WWII-era jazz singer). Why can’t I find an intense desire to, like, be an auto mechanic or even a stock broker? I wish I could be hypnotized into thinking that being a secretary (i.e., white collar wage slave) is fascinating work, because that’s pretty much all I’m qualified to do. Any hypnotists in the audience? Anyone? I’ll make you bacon-flavored cake!
